As someone who has spent a significant amount of her young teenage and adulthood years in recovery from an eating disorder, I want to reach people who may be experiencing challenges during recovery and are being impacted by fitness influencers sharing content on social media. I know how it can be crippling and intoxicating when you are trying so hard in recovery and then you open your Instagram feed to be hit with fitness influencers sharing triggering posts (whom many already have orthorexia). I felt this fitness focus has delayed my own recovery, especially when I had left inpatient treatment, and found myself in a society obsessed with image and fitness.
Becoming fixated on my body was dangerous as I had already experienced exercise obsessions throughout my eating disorder. Hashtags such as, “Strong not skinny,” and, “Fitspiration,” were red flags. Initially, social media accounts run by fitness influencers led me to feel inspired, I remember wanting to leave the hospital and become strong like these other girls who claimed 'they had recovered'. But I soon realized this was just another way to mask the deep underlying issues of an eating disorder. Sitting at home scrolling through image after image on social media, reinforced my belief that to be accepted in this world, I would need to obtain an ideal “fitness physique”. Such thoughts had further detrimental effects on my mental health. It was just another form of control, to now become obsessed with training and my body shape/ image. Many fitness narratives on social media feature people purporting to be role models by seeking to inspire us to live a healthier life. They do this by presenting what they consider a desired physique, through sharing images and footage on their platforms. They focus on mirror selfies, muscle growth, defined and toned bodies as well as before and after photos.
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Todays blog post is not much of a lengthy post. More a heartfelt note, from me to you. Because I know how it feels to be 'in recovery' for what feels like an ultramarathon with no end. Where you appear to be 'living' but always with a caveat. Where you seem to be showing up with a smile, functioning in life, seemingly 'normal', if there is such a thing? Yet 'you' know, when being true to yourself, you still haven't let go of your eating disorder.
I guess I do not have the answers. I think what I have learnt on this quest however (I say quest instead of journey for the reason I am about to explain) is that maybe there is no finish line. Maybe it will be a decision you make every day, to choose recovery over and over again. But with time I know this, the irrational and eating disorder thoughts will slowly become quieter and less frequent. One day you will not have that one thought that holds you back, or that one behavior you wish you could stop engaging with. Or that feeling of needing to hold onto the identity you found yourself in with your eating disorder. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
December 2023
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